Active Listening

Love Worth Having > Active Listening

What is Active Listening?

There is a difference between what the experts call Active Listening and Passive Listening. In Active Listening, you are sending a message back that you hear the other. In Passive Listening, your responses are limited to nodding your head or facial expressions but the other person doesn’t really know if you heard them. Think of Active Listening like when someone uses a radio like a Ham set or the old CB radio. They use phrases like “10-4” because the other person cannot see them and “10-4” is a way of saying that the other was heard. With Active Listening, you are sending a “10-4” message. In fact, you are almost going to repeat back what the other person has said. Because when you virtually repeat back what the other person is saying, they will feel understood and heard and that improves every relationship. That is what we will teach you to practice through this website.

We believe as a foundational matter that when we are hearing the other person in conversation or in an argument, we are truly functioning in a healthy manner in the relationship. We believe that sincere listening is foundational to improving struggling relationships and improving good ones. We believe that active listening is fundamental to dealing affectively with disagreements. That active listening is the first step toward creating what is called “Win Win Solutions”. We believe that when you begin with active listening, you are setting the stage for a healthy relationship.

An example of Active Listening:

Husband Says:
“STOP TELLING ME HOW TO DRIVE! It’s like you don’t even think I’m able to drive at all!”

A) You want me to stop telling you how to drive because it’s like I’m saying you don’t know how to drive.
B) I will stop telling you when you pick a faster route.
C) I wasn’t telling you how to drive; I was only stating what I thought was the best route.

A is the correct answer, as it rephrases what was said.
B and C try to defend their positions.

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